1. Don’t run away to the bathroom.
Your wife has likely not gone to the bathroom by herself in years…so you can understand how you taking more than five minutes seems like an extraneous luxury.
2. Don’t be late.
If you tell her you are going to be home at 6:00 for the love of all things holy, be home at 6:00. Every second past 6:00 she is pacing, seething.
If you need 15 minutes to wind down after work, add this into your home time. Park your car around the block and check email or read or whatever for 15 minutes. But when you walk into that door, be prepared to have a baby thrust upon you…and for your wife to run away and shower.
If your plans change and you are going to be late, tell her!
3. Don’t pressure her about the s-e-x.
That whole six weeks thing is rubbish. If your wife is breastfeeding it is likely she won’t want much of the s-e-x for a while. A reduced sex drive is nature’s way of ensuring that she has time to recover and doesn’t get knocked up again. Be affectionate…offer her neck rubs and cuddles but do not expect these to lead to any serious hanky-panky.
4. Be aware and proactive.
While your wife is busy being hyper vigilant looking after the baby, you need to be hyper vigilant looking after her. Be aware of her mood, ask her how she is doing, look around the house and see what needs doing…and then do it, offer your help,
5. Tell her how you are feeling.
While mothers fun mentally know that their husbands’ lives have changed, it does feel like theirs have changed more. In her eyes, you get to go off to work and drink hot coffee and laugh with colleagues and then come home…sometimes to a cleanish house, a cooked dinner, and a freshly bathed babe. Acknowledge her shift and tell her a bit about how you are adjusting. As with most things, it helps to hear both sides of the story.
